Here I am trying to manage my usual set up with unusual face furniture. May I introduce my latest accessory for my golden age – Varifocals – or as I like to call them Fairyfocals! Ta DAH…
My varifocals are as fancy as Elton’s best vest and pants set – the ones he wears when he meets the Queen. What this means in practice is that they were the most expensive varifocal lenses that Specsavers offer – bespoke no less. The frames are Osiris – I’ve had them before and despite the arm breaking almost immediately – I have gone for them again. Time will tell if this was vain folly or inspired optimism.
I’ll wang on about the size of the lens real estate (it’s a thing!) and the comfort of my frame choice in a later post – for now on with DAY 1.
Today I am adapting to change. BIG BIG change. To give you a tiny insight – I have already nicknamed my new glasses FFF. Fucking Fairyfocals. It’s not going well. I’ve asked for advice from the virtual hive and got lots of it. Some are delighted they persevered and others abandoned the enterprise and returned to juggling multiple pairs of specs.
I myself am attempting to move from the ‘specs on a string’ situation that having 3 different prescriptions to move comfortably through life has led me to. Along with ‘where are my parsnipping specs?!’ Yelled intermittently throughout any given day. Which annoys the long suffering Podgey and confuses the hell out of my neighbours. It’s a swearing thing – I like to swear Parsnipping is a shortening of a far ruder expletive. Long term readers of my blogs on other platforms totally get this. New readers will feel all left out and snitty. Can’t be helped – I am determined to tone down the language on this site.
There will be swearing… Just not quite so much and not quite so erm… Earthy!
I am told that once I get used to these infernal FFF varifocals – I’ll be shifting effortlessly from small screen to big screen, to book and on to my phone – while pottering to shops without falling over…
I so want this to be true. I don’t want to be a wet nelly. I really don’t. However I am doubtful at this stage of the process. Which is, I grant you by anyone’s standards … EARLY DAYS. An old friend, has had surgery and she swears by it. I can’t bring myself to have things shoved in my eyes even if I am out for the count… It gives me the wild willies.
Right now I am in the Double Whammy of sweet spots when it comes to frustration. I haven’t gotten used to the shifting, swimming text on my screen as I type (worse when I read) AND I am attempting to sort out a misbehaving computer – while I blog! Take that ageist twollops – I’m a female, over 50 and I’m updating my own computer while blogging on an IPad, sitting on a Swiss ball (for my core – can’t recommend it highly enough) and managing a pair of glasses that makes me feel I’ve taken the day off to go and visit the fucking house of mirrors.
Today I am the freakin’ poster girl for multi-tasking, facing down change, fierce computer skills and all the while nursing a sick bloke. (No need to panic. He ate something that has caused him some, shall we say, ‘gastric distress’ and he’s been lolloping around in his ‘poorly suit’ for 24 hours. Back in the day Virgin Airlines used to hand out lovely, soft, dark grey, jersey track suits to business travellers. Podgey has a few. They’re called his mouse suits.
The only time a mouse suit is allowed – is when a chap or a gal is poorly.
The mouse-suit was deployed yesterday.
I appear to have sorted the computer. Hooray for me and deep breathing and yoga.
Back to change and how much I loathe it – despite it constantly teaching me things. Damn you change and your insistence on bringing fresh insight, creativity and movement into my life. Why can’t you just stay BAD? Like I told you.
So far this morning I have kept the Bally things on for 3 hours. I am managing my iPad, my large screen and reading some quite small lists as I toddle along. I am determined to carry on as normal – assessing these things as they fit into my life and NOT as I contort myself into fitting in with them. They are glasses – I am WOMAN!
The change in this instance is one of habit and comfort. That old chestnut. So I am minded to give it a red hot go for a whole week before going back to the opticians to whine. Or have them checked.
iPad: OK for typing but a bit swimmy and bendy at the edges as I read. Reading some blogs is almost impossible. Reading while in bed is sort of OK -but a pal has informed me that varifocals aren’t designed for that! Pfft… They’re going to have to work with me on this one. I read in bed, reclined on the sofa, in the cafe, in a queue, on a bus, at my desk, in the kitchen… if I’m awake – I’m bloody reading. I did explain this AT LENGTH to the child who did my eye test.
Phone: Yoiks! So far it was so utterly frustrating – I gave up. I don’t use my phone for much – but I do need to text and the WHOLE POINT was that this would be easier! No? Am I missing something?
Computermabob: This is definitely tricky. Currently engaged in a mind squiggly data resolution project for my client’s client (get me! See I do hactually work now and then…) So far I’m going boss eyed with trying to move from one screen to another – and then to a typed list and my hand written notes. This will prove the biggest challenge for the FairyFocals!
Walking about: NOPE… NOPE and treble NOPE! I don’t use glasses to move about normally – so keeping them on doesn’t work for me at all. I am genuinely concerned that if I wear these blighters all the time that my eyes will go dimmer and I will end up in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.
OVERALL First Impression for Life with Varifocals
It’s like hanging out with your highest maintenance friend. She looks amazing, she’s often amusing and engaging – but it’s bloody exhausting after a few hours and you wish you could spend more time with your old bestie – who loves you as you are and doesn’t require you to step up to the sartorial mark and raise your specs game.
I realise that like many teens opening their GCSE results this will be a massive crash down. However – chin up my lovelies this doesn’t mean you won’t be able to study your dream subjects. It just means you’re going to have to face facts, do some more work and HUSTLE…
The jury is still so far out – they’re still on their way to the court house.
By tomorrow – there might be some useful tips for working with your FFF Varifocals in the first week. Let’s face it – there’s got to be some payoff for reading this far!